1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,260 Every time I think you died, I like coffee. 2 00:00:04,500 --> 00:00:05,500 Tease your bag. 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:10,120 Though it makes no sense, it's true. There's no me without you. 4 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:17,738 You know what? 5 00:00:17,740 --> 00:00:21,180 Just get me up to see the overpriced juice and let's get out of here. 6 00:00:21,940 --> 00:00:24,240 No, we still have to go get Doug's gift. 7 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:28,560 Oh, come on. What are we going to get our modern day hippie son -in -law at a 8 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,540 mall? Tell me about it. I mean, it is 2009. 9 00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:33,860 Would it kill Hallmark to start selling pot? 10 00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:40,360 This whole place. I don't think this is what baby Jesus had in mind when he 11 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:41,360 invented Christmas. 12 00:00:43,780 --> 00:00:44,679 All right. 13 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,700 This is what this top of my interview. You like it? 14 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,420 I want them to know I'm serious about this. 15 00:00:48,940 --> 00:00:49,859 Mm -hmm. 16 00:00:49,860 --> 00:00:54,440 Purple jacket, purple tie, purple shoes. Let me guess, somewhere Prince is 17 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:55,440 naked. 18 00:00:56,620 --> 00:00:59,620 This is a big deal, man. I'm bringing a more Santa color barrier. 19 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,760 I'm going to be the Jackie Robinson of more Santas. 20 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:07,280 Listen, I'm going to go buy Doug $30 worth of candles. Can I trust you to 21 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:08,600 here and not lose it? 22 00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,160 This whole thing is ice. 23 00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:14,680 The wheels have come off the whole day. 24 00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,100 Perfect. 25 00:01:21,339 --> 00:01:22,339 So sorry. 26 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,420 Don't worry, man. Don't worry. No. 27 00:01:24,820 --> 00:01:27,180 No, I am. Oh, my God. 28 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:33,280 I sure hope you don't have any feeling down there. Well, you know, maybe you do 29 00:01:33,280 --> 00:01:37,120 want feeling down there. Except for now, you know. Maybe you like it now. I 30 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:38,980 don't know. You know, whatever. I am totally fine. 31 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:45,560 I got my foamy orange drink all over you. Hey, it was kind of hot in here. 32 00:01:45,560 --> 00:01:46,560 I'm nice and cool. 33 00:01:47,220 --> 00:01:48,440 You are being... 34 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:50,400 Weirdly nice about this. 35 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,000 Well, hey, it's a beautiful day. It's a beautiful time of the year. I got no 36 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,000 complaints. 37 00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:57,240 Really? Yeah. 38 00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:58,720 You got no complaints? 39 00:01:59,940 --> 00:02:02,300 Even with the whole dealing? 40 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:05,820 Hey, I'm alive. 41 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,780 I've got a family that just loves me. 42 00:02:09,340 --> 00:02:11,440 And now I got pants that smell like Florida. 43 00:02:13,180 --> 00:02:14,180 Wow. 44 00:02:14,640 --> 00:02:16,660 That is an amazing attitude. 45 00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:20,910 I have a cuticle infection and I want to smother myself with this festive 46 00:02:20,910 --> 00:02:21,910 holiday bag. 47 00:02:23,310 --> 00:02:25,510 After my injury, I was real bitter. 48 00:02:26,310 --> 00:02:30,850 But then I just realized how lucky I am to still be here. So now I wear this 49 00:02:30,850 --> 00:02:31,689 rubber band. 50 00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:34,430 And whenever I feel like complaining, I just give a little snap. 51 00:02:35,450 --> 00:02:39,730 Now, if you don't complain, nothing's bad. If nothing's bad, then you're 52 00:02:40,330 --> 00:02:42,030 And if you're happy, then life is great. 53 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:44,630 Huh. 54 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:46,960 I gotta go wait 30 minutes for the elevator. 55 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:51,860 Have a great day, huh? No. 56 00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:53,900 You don't have a great day. 57 00:02:54,420 --> 00:02:55,940 You make it a great day. 58 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:03,000 Sorry. 59 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:04,320 It's okay. 60 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:08,280 It is okay. 61 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:14,420 How old was that woman wrapping packages? 62 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,400 I'm guessing like 140. 63 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:23,860 Well, on the plus side, I shook the hand that shook the hand of Thomas Alva 64 00:03:23,860 --> 00:03:24,860 Edison. 65 00:03:25,140 --> 00:03:28,120 You've been extraordinarily chipper all the way home. 66 00:03:28,420 --> 00:03:29,460 What's going on? 67 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,900 You know, something amazing happened to me tonight. I accidentally spilled my 68 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:37,240 drink on a disabled guy at the food court, and his magical message changed 69 00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,860 life. Did anyone else see this disabled guy? 70 00:03:42,380 --> 00:03:47,040 The guy is very real, and he taught me a very real lesson. 71 00:03:47,780 --> 00:03:48,880 I'm done complaining. 72 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:50,600 About what? 73 00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:51,620 About everything. 74 00:03:52,020 --> 00:03:53,300 Really not getting it. 75 00:03:54,060 --> 00:03:56,620 We have rubber bands in the house somewhere, don't we? 76 00:03:56,900 --> 00:03:58,600 Over there. Why? Why? 77 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:04,020 Well, I'm going to wear a rubber band to remind me not to complain. 78 00:04:04,460 --> 00:04:05,540 And that's for you. 79 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:06,960 Yeah, I'm good. 80 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:16,839 I would really like for you to do this with me, but I'm okay if you don't. 81 00:04:21,940 --> 00:04:25,220 Eddie, there is no way on earth you're going to be able to do this. You will 82 00:04:25,220 --> 00:04:30,540 stick to it. Remember Bacon Free Tuesdays? Look, there was no way you 83 00:04:30,540 --> 00:04:34,660 flip off that switch. You know that. I mean, bacon is the candy of meats. 84 00:04:35,380 --> 00:04:37,860 This, this joy is a lot easier. 85 00:04:38,100 --> 00:04:39,840 I'm telling you, we can do this. 86 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,080 Let me show you. 87 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:42,620 How was your day at work? 88 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:44,360 Bad. 89 00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,420 Being a travel agent during the holidays sucks. 90 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,540 You're planning someone else's trip to Saint -Tropez and you don't even get a 91 00:04:52,540 --> 00:04:56,320 bonus. But you're stimulating the Saint -Tropezian economy. 92 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:01,420 And I'm sure that means that a little Megalito is going to get one heck of a 93 00:05:01,420 --> 00:05:02,420 Christmas present. 94 00:05:04,180 --> 00:05:09,400 Megalito. Yes. Well, I'm not really sure what the Saint -Tropezites call their 95 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,400 young. 96 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:14,640 I have a feeling he's as cute as a button and probably very tan. 97 00:05:16,540 --> 00:05:18,620 All right, you're starting to annoy the hell out of me right now. 98 00:05:18,980 --> 00:05:21,500 Want to snap my rubber band? I want to snap your neck. 99 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:29,940 I like complaining to you. Your whole function in my life is to be the guy 100 00:05:29,940 --> 00:05:31,200 I come home and bitch to. 101 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:37,700 I mean, what other purpose do you serve besides clogging the shower drain and 102 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:39,320 taking up half my Tivo space? 103 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:44,480 Freeze that. Freeze that face. Now walk with me. 104 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:46,860 Freeze it. Okay, come here. 105 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:48,300 Come here. 106 00:05:48,420 --> 00:05:49,580 Walk to this mirror. 107 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:53,940 Okay, now, look at my face. 108 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:56,520 And look at your face. 109 00:06:00,140 --> 00:06:01,960 What do you see here? Oh, my God. 110 00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:07,220 Who is that mean but beautiful woman in the mirror? 111 00:06:08,540 --> 00:06:12,320 That is someone who is filled with... Bile and bitterness. 112 00:06:13,760 --> 00:06:18,840 Adam. No, no, it could change. Listen, listen to me. Joy, take this ride with 113 00:06:18,840 --> 00:06:21,640 me. Our life will be healthier and happier. 114 00:06:21,900 --> 00:06:24,960 We'll live well into our 50s. I'm almost sure of it. 115 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,120 What the hell? What I'm doing now isn't working. 116 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:32,060 Atta girl. 117 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:33,700 For you. 118 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:39,620 So you... You want to maybe... 119 00:06:44,919 --> 00:06:45,839 Okay, yeah. 120 00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:46,840 Sure, why not? 121 00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:52,500 Hey, a question. Does the whole not complaining thing, does it apply to... 122 00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:57,100 Yes. 123 00:06:58,520 --> 00:06:59,519 Where are you going? 124 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:00,520 To go get a rubber band. 125 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,240 Yeah, it takes the pictures. 126 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:17,400 Little gal, big talent. 127 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:18,640 Woo! 128 00:07:19,060 --> 00:07:21,500 The rest is pretty self -explanatory. 129 00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:24,200 Take one kid at a time and try to keep it moving. 130 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:30,220 And if you sense that they're about to pee on you, hold them over to snow. I 131 00:07:30,220 --> 00:07:31,800 packed it pretty good with wee -wee pants. 132 00:07:32,620 --> 00:07:35,480 From the bottom of my heart, I want to thank you for this amazing opportunity. 133 00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:38,020 Yeah, okay. 134 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,160 Ho, ho, ho! 135 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,080 Merry Christmas! Who's my first contestant? 136 00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:45,880 Come on up here. 137 00:07:47,480 --> 00:07:49,480 Looking good, Miss Claus. Looking good. 138 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,340 What do you want for Christmas, little girl? 139 00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:58,300 I want a baby doll and a princess bed and a television for my aunt. 140 00:07:58,540 --> 00:08:00,200 You got it. Smile for Frankie. 141 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:04,760 Who's next? 142 00:08:06,140 --> 00:08:07,300 Get up here, boy. 143 00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,740 And what do you want for Christmas, little boy? 144 00:08:35,179 --> 00:08:41,740 says rain rain makes flowers grow yes it 145 00:08:41,740 --> 00:08:47,120 does all right you know i am really rocking this positive thinking and it 146 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:51,600 for everything like you know how i always say that the way that you eat 147 00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:57,900 makes me want to vomit yeah yeah totally well now i say 148 00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:02,100 god when he's dead i'm gonna miss that 149 00:09:09,260 --> 00:09:12,920 It looks like the student is becoming the master. Indeed. 150 00:09:21,760 --> 00:09:22,760 It's weird. 151 00:09:23,620 --> 00:09:24,620 What's weird? 152 00:09:26,180 --> 00:09:29,720 Just have a sniffle. 153 00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:31,300 No big deal, huh? 154 00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,800 Yeah. Amen. We're blessed. 155 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,040 Yes. 156 00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:37,600 Indeed we are. Not that I'm complaining, but... 157 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:46,520 like someone has taken warm, wet cotton balls and shoved them up my nose, and 158 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,080 then they decided to dig them out with sandpaper. 159 00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:50,880 That's how it's feeling. 160 00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:53,280 Not that I'm complaining, you know. 161 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:54,820 It's making conversation. 162 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:56,940 Sounds a little bit like you're complaining. 163 00:09:57,540 --> 00:09:59,920 No, because I said not complaining. 164 00:10:00,540 --> 00:10:01,800 Specifically, I said not. 165 00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:07,680 Good, because I'm not giving this up, because I am loving this, and people are 166 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:09,360 loving me doing it. 167 00:10:10,890 --> 00:10:15,930 I mean, if you want to stop, that's fine. But I'm not because this is 168 00:10:15,930 --> 00:10:16,930 for me. 169 00:10:17,290 --> 00:10:18,490 Amazing for you? 170 00:10:18,710 --> 00:10:24,490 It's amazing for me. And I started doing it six hours before you, so you don't 171 00:10:24,490 --> 00:10:30,930 even know how amazing it is until 8 o 'clock tonight. So I 172 00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,650 envy you. 173 00:10:34,730 --> 00:10:35,730 Hey, Mom, Dad. 174 00:10:35,930 --> 00:10:37,990 Can Doug and I talk to you guys about something? 175 00:10:38,250 --> 00:10:39,250 Yeah, sure. What is it? 176 00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:43,990 Well, Mother and Father Stark, now that we're all family, Allison and I would 177 00:10:43,990 --> 00:10:45,790 like to start some new family traditions. 178 00:10:46,010 --> 00:10:49,250 And we'd like to kick it off with... Homemade gifts. 179 00:10:49,650 --> 00:10:50,650 Homemade gifts. 180 00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:53,750 Okay. Thank you. All right. 181 00:10:54,110 --> 00:10:57,910 So nothing store -bought at all? 182 00:10:58,210 --> 00:11:00,250 No, no. Just made with love. 183 00:11:00,510 --> 00:11:01,510 And broken pasta. 184 00:11:01,710 --> 00:11:02,750 Oops, I said too much. 185 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,020 Sweet. Good idea. 186 00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:12,060 Let's start dinner. 187 00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:17,720 Sweetie, could you go back to the mall and return all those gifts? 188 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,000 The mall? 189 00:11:19,380 --> 00:11:21,340 Today? Christmas Eve? 190 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,160 Well, you can't do it. I can. 191 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:27,000 I mean, I wouldn't mind. 192 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:33,380 No, I wouldn't mind doing it. Actually, I wouldn't mind not doing it. 193 00:11:33,680 --> 00:11:36,620 Come on, who wouldn't want to go to the mall on... 194 00:11:36,910 --> 00:11:37,910 Christmas Eve, huh? 195 00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:42,610 In the rain. 196 00:11:44,430 --> 00:11:46,930 Could it get any better? I'll go with you. 197 00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:48,130 I guess it can. 198 00:11:50,590 --> 00:11:53,570 You okay, sir? Never better. 199 00:11:54,030 --> 00:11:58,990 Hello. Happy holidays to you. I need to return this coffee maker. 200 00:11:59,330 --> 00:12:00,510 Okay. Do you have the receipt? 201 00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:02,630 Receipt? I believe I do. 202 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,160 Oh, paper cut. Okay. 203 00:12:08,780 --> 00:12:09,780 It's bleeding. 204 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,260 I don't have a receipt. 205 00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:15,080 Okay, I can't return it without the receipt. 206 00:12:15,980 --> 00:12:22,860 Okay. Well, listen, I know that you have your rules, and I understand that, and 207 00:12:22,860 --> 00:12:24,400 you're following them beautifully. 208 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:25,720 One second. Mm -hmm. 209 00:12:26,420 --> 00:12:28,120 Housewares? Hey, what's up? 210 00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:29,880 I'm working, dude. 211 00:12:30,960 --> 00:12:33,920 Well, you called me at work, so it shouldn't be that hard to figure out. 212 00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:37,590 You shut up. 213 00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:39,850 Hold on, let me talk. 214 00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:44,110 Okay, that's cool. We'll talk later. 215 00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:47,930 Wow, sir, I'm impressed. 216 00:12:48,590 --> 00:12:52,670 The old sir would have really lost it with that sales girl taking a personal 217 00:12:52,670 --> 00:12:53,670 call and everything. 218 00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:55,650 Well done. 219 00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:58,590 That's nice to see when young people have friends. 220 00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:04,430 Wow. Well, I'm glad this young person has a poncho. 221 00:13:12,330 --> 00:13:14,030 I think I know what's going on here. 222 00:13:14,470 --> 00:13:16,150 And it's not a cold. 223 00:13:16,650 --> 00:13:17,509 What do you mean? 224 00:13:17,510 --> 00:13:22,930 All right, well, you've given yourself a personality transplant, and your body 225 00:13:22,930 --> 00:13:24,330 is rejecting it. 226 00:13:26,150 --> 00:13:28,190 Well? Well, that's ridiculous. 227 00:13:28,570 --> 00:13:30,310 I love being positive. 228 00:13:30,550 --> 00:13:32,670 I've never been this happy in my entire life. 229 00:13:33,610 --> 00:13:38,010 Well, yeah, but the stress of holding it in, you see, it's killing you. It's 230 00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:39,030 making you sick, sir. 231 00:13:39,250 --> 00:13:41,130 You can't force a happy peg. 232 00:13:41,680 --> 00:13:42,720 Into a sad hole. 233 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:51,080 You need to stop it. I can't stop it. Joy is great at this. She is crushing me 234 00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:52,860 with her love of life. 235 00:13:53,140 --> 00:13:56,700 If she could do it, I could do it. She's not a better person than me. Come on, 236 00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:57,700 you better. 237 00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:02,940 You got, like, a lot of crazy stuff coming out of your nose right now. 238 00:14:04,220 --> 00:14:06,680 Yeah. Okay, who was I talking to? 239 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:10,320 You're talking to me. 240 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:14,450 Darling, you're talking to me. You know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to 241 00:14:14,450 --> 00:14:18,590 come back after Christmas with my receipt and return it, okay? Okay. 242 00:14:19,350 --> 00:14:22,170 Just so you know, if you return it after Christmas, you only get back the sale 243 00:14:22,170 --> 00:14:23,170 price. 244 00:14:25,770 --> 00:14:28,010 Ew. What is up with your eyes? 245 00:14:32,210 --> 00:14:33,450 I can't think of anything. 246 00:14:33,950 --> 00:14:34,950 Hmm. 247 00:14:35,030 --> 00:14:36,070 Well, you know what's always good? 248 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:37,690 Cash. How much you want? 249 00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:43,140 Ten dollars, please. You're talking to Santa Claus here. 250 00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:44,340 Negative thousand. 251 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,100 Thank you, Santa. 252 00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:47,440 You are super welcome. 253 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:48,700 Smile for Frankie. 254 00:14:51,060 --> 00:14:52,060 You're rich. 255 00:14:53,440 --> 00:14:55,020 Santa. I love it. Come here. 256 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,840 Listen, we got complaints from some of the parents. You got to back it down a 257 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:02,759 little with the kids. 258 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,040 People can't afford to buy expensive gifts. These are tough times. 259 00:15:06,460 --> 00:15:07,460 Not for Santa. 260 00:15:09,180 --> 00:15:10,180 Look. 261 00:15:10,830 --> 00:15:12,070 I get off at five. 262 00:15:12,350 --> 00:15:17,090 I don't have time to explain to you how Christmas really works. 263 00:15:20,870 --> 00:15:27,590 Oh, my God. 264 00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:30,970 Is everything okay? 265 00:15:31,510 --> 00:15:36,450 Well, your father's just a little messed up in his body area. 266 00:15:37,490 --> 00:15:38,850 Everything is super. 267 00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:41,880 Why were you limping? 268 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:45,140 My foot got in an escalator, baby. 269 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,100 It was scary for a while. A couple kids started crying. 270 00:15:49,660 --> 00:15:50,660 Want to know the upside? 271 00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:54,580 Guess he's getting new shoelaces. 272 00:15:58,600 --> 00:15:59,600 Where's mom? 273 00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:03,360 I haven't seen her for a while. I think she might have gone out. 274 00:16:03,660 --> 00:16:04,800 Oh, well, you know what? 275 00:16:05,220 --> 00:16:08,340 Let's give her a call and have her come home and we can get this. 276 00:16:08,730 --> 00:16:10,210 festive meal started. Yeah! 277 00:16:11,030 --> 00:16:12,030 Because it's all good. 278 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:44,120 we have these neighbors across the street and they have this nativity scene 279 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:50,720 and and mary and and joseph are leaning over baby elmo okay it's not 280 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:56,560 not only offensive it's just confusing you know i don't understand what they're 281 00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:02,560 trying to say with the elmo i gotta go 282 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:07,040 what is going on here nothing 283 00:17:09,260 --> 00:17:10,400 Have been complaining. 284 00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:12,060 All right, yes. 285 00:17:12,339 --> 00:17:14,060 Okay, I have been complaining. 286 00:17:15,579 --> 00:17:17,020 How long have you been complaining? 287 00:17:17,240 --> 00:17:19,599 I don't know, like two days. 288 00:17:19,900 --> 00:17:23,160 We've only been not complaining for two days. I know, I know. 289 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,079 Listen, I gave it a solid hour. It's not my thing, okay? 290 00:17:27,660 --> 00:17:33,720 I have been making myself sick trying to keep up with your delightfulness. 291 00:17:34,740 --> 00:17:37,660 And look. You're the picture of health. Do you know why? Do you know why? 292 00:17:37,700 --> 00:17:41,820 Because your blood is coursing with life -fulfilling venom. 293 00:17:44,780 --> 00:17:48,000 So, big whoop. Okay, now you know the truth. Complain away. 294 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:52,180 No. No, because I'm good. And it's good to be good. 295 00:17:53,460 --> 00:17:55,180 Yeah, it really looks like it's working out for you. 296 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,220 It's working wonderfully for me. 297 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,160 Eddie, would you take a look at yourself? 298 00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:03,560 You're a mess. 299 00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:07,400 God always tests his prophets. 300 00:18:16,120 --> 00:18:18,440 Okay. Listen up, everybody. 301 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:23,260 Listen up. I know that you all want to put me into a neat little box. 302 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:27,780 Oh, there's the grumpy guy. There's the one that everyone loves to hate. 303 00:18:28,320 --> 00:18:31,940 Daddy, you're scaring me. No reason to be scared, darling. No reason to be 304 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:36,840 scared. I'll tell you why. Because I am a sweet man without a complaint in the 305 00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:38,280 world. Okay? 306 00:18:41,180 --> 00:18:43,780 Now let's all sit down to this meal. 307 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,580 Thank the good Lord for our blessings. 308 00:19:06,250 --> 00:19:10,110 Doug had an idea for another holiday tradition. 309 00:19:10,490 --> 00:19:13,430 A cornucopia of nuts and berries. 310 00:19:19,930 --> 00:19:20,650 I 311 00:19:20,650 --> 00:19:28,310 don't 312 00:19:28,310 --> 00:19:29,310 like nuts and berries. 313 00:19:30,930 --> 00:19:32,990 Oh, wait, what was that, sir? 314 00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,400 next month. Her apartment smells like bug spray and I want to deal with that 315 00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,580 crap at this point in my life. 316 00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:15,080 I hate your nose. 317 00:20:17,700 --> 00:20:22,440 I lie in bed at night and I dread that my grandchildren are going to be born 318 00:20:22,440 --> 00:20:23,440 with one of those. 319 00:20:32,970 --> 00:20:34,450 That dress makes you look like a slut. 320 00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:46,690 God bless us, everyone. 321 00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:56,330 What's your name, little boy? 322 00:20:56,730 --> 00:20:58,350 Jeremy. I want a puppy. 323 00:20:58,650 --> 00:20:59,930 Oh, you want a puppy, huh? 324 00:21:05,320 --> 00:21:06,480 Well, you know what's even better than a puppy? 325 00:21:06,860 --> 00:21:08,320 A balled -up pair of socks. 326 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,880 They're soft, they love you unconditionally, and they won't give 327 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:13,880 rabies. 328 00:21:15,640 --> 00:21:16,660 It's not for Frankie. 329 00:21:19,780 --> 00:21:21,260 But I really want a puppy. 330 00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,980 And I really want a beard that doesn't smell like bourbon. That's not gonna 331 00:21:23,980 --> 00:21:24,980 happen either.